Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
