Did I show you my penis last night?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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