If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
