His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
