"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
