I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
