She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
