you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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