I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
