those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
