I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think weed is turning my hair brown
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
