I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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