She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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