Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
