some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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