i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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