So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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