Ambien. No doubt about it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
