There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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