2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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