I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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