I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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