The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
