did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
