Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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