I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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