he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
