i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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