These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
