If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
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