Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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