I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
