on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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