i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
