I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
