3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
