you will always have a special place in my vag
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You've changed since you got that strap on
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
