I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
