Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
