i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have aggressive nipples.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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