I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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