Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I understand Curling. That high.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
