im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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