i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
