Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
