I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
