dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
