haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
me + whiskey = a bad person
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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