If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
