he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
